Are you a grateful divorce-er?
We are told by self help gurus that practising gratitude every day makes you a healthy happier person. This may be true, but during a divorce it is very difficult to feel grateful. You may feel your world has fallen apart, the universe is ending and life as you know it is about to cease.
Or you may be irritated, dispirited, annoyed, angry and generally cheesed off with the world.
All of these are understandable and totally justified emotions.
Now I am not going to say you should put aside all negative emotions, pretend you are Pollyana and have a fixed smile on your face the whole time. There is a place in divorce for anger, irritation etc. and sometimes the negative emotions can give you the power and energy you need to keep going; however staying in that negative emotion is harmful and here is why:
- Staying in a negative state ties up a huge amount of energy – whether it is the coiled spring energy of anger or the dull ache of despair you are focusing your body’s energy in one direction.
- While negative emotions can act as an impetus for change it is easy to get sucked into the negative state and not be able to claw your way out of it.
- These overpowering emotions stop you thinking strategically
So here is a way of turning the negative into a form of gratitude
- Feel the emotion and describe it to yourself – note the name of the emotion and notice where you feel it. Acknowledging it is the first step in controlling it.
- Ask what kind of energy this emotion is giving you – is it the energy of change? Is it the energy of determination? Is it the energy of resilience?
- See how you can use that energy in your daily life and divorce negotiations – Look around you and notice what is working. You are living. You are breathing. You have a roof over your head. However much or little you have at the moment this is the starting point for the rest of your life.
- With this new found energy decide what the next steps will be – the steps that will take you positively into the next stage of your divorce
With ongoing divorce coaching turning the negative into a positive can happen easily and on a regular basis, so you don’t need to get trapped in the negative emotions of divorce!