In an ideal world divorce would be simple if both of you agree over the children, have no assets and don’t want divorce to be difficult, then it should be very easy!
But usually divorce isn’t simple, or easy. It gets difficult when you have children, who have to be “shared”. One parent often gets all the responsibility of organising the school run and getting the sports kit together, and sees the other parent getting all the fun bits. The other parent wonders how many days they can take their children to the zoo or the burger bar.
So how do you keep divorce simple?
Shared care with children needs to be worked out carefully and is a true negotiation. It demands honest communication and respect for each other’s feelings.
This is not easy to do during or after divorce.
Divorce is also emotionally complicated. It’s easy to feel that:
- Your Ex has the better deal
- Their life is easier than yours
- You sacrificed more in the marriage
- You are hurting more
- AND IT’S ALL YOUR EX’s FAULT!
Plus, whatever the rights or wrongs you are suffering over your lost relationship.
So divorce doesn’t feel simple.
Here are some keys to keeping divorce simple:
- Decided what you want in divorce. This should cover everything including money, financial security, access to children and where you want to live.
- Determine what you’d like in divorce. Where would the boundaries of ‘acceptable’ be and where could you compromise?
- Be flexible in divorce. As you go through divorce you might change your mind over what you want. Don’t back yourself into a corner over decision making. (The opposite, of course, also holds true – don’t be a pushover).
- Get support through the emotional bumps of divorce, so you can do the emotional work of divorce away from the negotiating table. Using divorce negotiations to get your own back or get a temporary victory is not usually a good idea and may backfire.
The more support you can get around divorce the easier it is to negotiate well.
I have found that clients who are prepared to do this and seek coaching support, have less anxiety and get a clearer and easier path to divorce.
To speak to Liz about this and find out where coaching opportunities are available, contact Liz to find out more